


Through the Mists: A Tale of the Founders

by Antosha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Founders Era, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antosha/pseuds/Antosha
Summary: The Founders unto the Castle came.
Kudos: 5





	Through the Mists: A Tale of the Founders

**Author's Note:**

> Silliness suggested by a conversation with csi_tokyo3, and requested by wileworth. Really. It's very silly. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Through the mists, four figures came. Their robes billowed with a wind that the field felt not: two women-one fair and round of face, the other sable-locked and with eyes that glimmered with Sight-and two men-the taller martial, with hair like flame, the other low and apelike, but cunning. They gazed at the lake, and at the castle upon the hill.

The red-haired man turned unto the darker of his female companions and spoke in a voice like thunder upon the horizon. “Rowena, speak true: is this the castle that you have seen in your visions?”

The maid Rowena cast her sad countenance upon the lonely spire and gave a solemn nod. “Certes it is, Godric.”

The other woman--one Helga by name--did clasp her hand upon her bosom and did cry out, “Oh, happy day! That we have seen the land that was forespoken, and even have we come unto it! Oh, blessed are we among all our kind! Let us go, and start our work, for once our school shall rise upon this place, our kind shall fear the flame and rack no more!”

The man yclept Godric added his own cry unto hers, and turned unto his companion. “Come, Salazar. After much doubt and sorrow, we have found the promised place. Shall we not rejoice?”

The lower man gave a grin, crooked and mean, and spake thus: “A fool's journey is never finished.”

And so it was that the Four strode up unto the battlements of the castle where they hoped to build their school for witchcraft and wizardry.

“Hail!” called Godric Gryffindor, his voice a clarion upon the still air. “In the hall, there, ho!”

A figure appeared above the gate, clad in warlike garb, but of none too warlike mien. “ _Allo_!”

“My good man!” spake mighty Gryffindor, “we are four magi, wise ones of the old knowledge. We have come from far, following a vision that showed us this very place, that we might found within these walls the greatest repository and dispensary of wisdom that these isles have ever known. Allow us entrance that we may speak unto your lord...”

“ _Er_ ,” spake the soldier above, in accents most execrable, “ _Ah do not theenk so. My master, Guy de Mimsey, he 'as already got a vherri nass set of books-some cooookbooks, a couple of romance novels. 'E keeps zem weeth 'is Grail. Maybe, if you want to live some litérature..._ ”

Spake wise Ravenclaw, “My good man, we are not wandering salesfolk, dispensing neither tomes nor shrubberies. We are teachers of arcane wisdom...”

“ _Ah, oui_?” said the knave above. “ _Well, my master, 'e 'as two brats, but zey already got a nanny. You could leave a CV._ ”

The apelike wight, one Salazar, grimaced and spoke like to a loud larum: “Look here, you silly French git, open the bloody gate and let us in, or we'll blast your bloody castle to Kingdom Come, turn you all into frogs, and eat your bloody legs, do you hear?”

Upon the battlements, the git in question turned unto his fellows and spake unto them, saying, “ _Fetchez le squid._ ”

“ _Quoi?_ ”

“ _Fetchez le squid!_ ”

“ _Ah!_ ” And a cephalopod of a size unseen before by these four wise ones did fly over the walls of the castle, and did threaten to crush them utterly.

“RUN AWAY!” said brave Gryffindor, sweet Hufflepuff, wise Ravenclaw and shrewd Slytherin together. And they did beat a hasty strategic withdrawal.

“ _Now go away, you seelly English weezard types, with your waving-leetle-pointy-steecks behavior! Your mothers' beards smell of geellyweed and your fathers were all Snorkacks! Ah blow my nose at your grandparents and cleeck my tongue at your dragons!_ ” As the four fled, seeking another lake and castle, the knave yelled after, _“Stay away or I shall taunt you a second time_!” The varlet nodded, then did peer towards the next hillside. “ _Ah! Zut! Rémi, voiçi un roi!”  
_

_“Hein?”  
_

“ _'Ere comes a silly English keeng weeth 'is silly English k-nigguts. I shall taunt zem_.” With a sigh, the knave did say, “ _Zey always call at deener time_ , _non_?”


End file.
